What Faith Can Do

Everybody falls sometimes

Gotta find the strength to rise

From the ashes

And make a new beginning



Anyone can feel the ache

You think it's more than you can take

But you're stronger

Stronger than you know



Don't you give up now

The sun will soon be shining

You gotta face the clouds

To find the silver lining



I've seen dreams that move the mountains

Hope that doesn't ever end

Even when the sky is falling

I've seen miracles just happen

Silent prayers get answered

Broken hearts become brand new

That's what faith can do



It doesn't matter what you've heard

Impossible is not a word

It's just a reason

For someone not to try



Everybody's scared to death

When they decide to take that step

Out on the water

It'll be alright



Life is so much more

Than what your eyes are seeing

You will find your way

If you keep believing



I've seen dreams that move the mountains

Hope that doesn't ever end

Even when the sky is falling

I've seen miracles just happen

Silent prayers get answered

Broken hearts become brand new

That's what faith can do



Overcome the odds

You don't have a chance

(That's what faith can do)

When the world says you can't

It'll tell you that you can



I've seen dreams that move the mountains

Hope that doesn't ever end

Even when the sky is falling

And I've seen miracles just happen

Silent prayers get answered

Broken hearts become brand new

That's what faith can do

That's what faith can do



Even if you fall sometimes

You will have the strength to rise

So This Brings Us To Today

If you have read over our history (or even glanced over it), you can see that we have been through a lot as a family over the last year and a half.  To break it down further for you, we've gone from a perfectly healthy family, with a Daddy working full-time and a Mommy working one day a week to something completely different.  Sometimes I feel as though our life was put into a cardboard box and thrown down a flight of stairs!  Nathan and I have said so many times over the months that right now is just about survival.  We take things one day at a time and just try to make it through that 24 hours.  

Since Nathan got sick, he has lost his driver's license twice due to cardiac arrest, which put me at driving about 900+ miles every week to keep up with everything.  Yes, a total of 11 months...or 44 weeks...or almost 40,000+ miles!  Exhausted doesn't even begin to cover it and sleep has become something that is seen as a rare benefit.  After Nathan got sick, I went back to work full time in December of 2012 in order to have Nathan and the boys under Vanderbilt insurance.  Nathan (at that time) was having weekly appointments that have now spaced to every other month with three different doctors.  Now that genetics are back on the boys, Zachary and Tyler go to see their cardiologist for EKGs every six months and ECHOs and stress tests annually.  This averages about 16-18 appointments a year at Vanderbilt Heart.

I took a promotion back in November which has been wonderful, but it has also made for a hard schedule as well.  My shifts now can be 7p-7a, 3p-11p, 5p-1a, 11p-7a, etc.  Even though I'm back to working full-time, I still see my first priority as a mom and don't want to miss out things.  I still want to be the mom at all the games cheering my kids on.  I still want to go to school functions, read during story time at preschool for Eli, surprise Zachary for a lunch date and take Tyler to the park so he can be a toddler boy.  We still strive for family dinners and family date nights.  But with me gone four nights a week, I have found that I choose them over sleep.  I usually go 36+ hours every week without sleeping.  Every week for months I've seen my family on Monday nights but then not again until Wednesday mornings.  Church is still in full swing and we still attend three services a week.  We are still active in our church as the church secretary, a deacon, a church trustee, Sunday School teacher, children’s church and nursery helpers, Women on Missions, adult choir and children’s choir.  Nathan's job has stayed stressful and required more and more hours on his part.  He works 40+ hours a week at the office, and then comes home and works from his laptop for another 10-12 hours a week.   It's all over the map and trying to juggle that, with appointments, with school, with being a mom, with being the church secretary....you get the idea.  So all of this brings us to where we are today...

It's time for a change.

Long story short, we can't do this anymore.  Let me rephrase, we won't do this anymore.  We've decided that life is too short to spend it striving to be at the top of the corporate world.  Life's too short to spend it in the car trying to get everyone from here to there.  We don't want our kids to grow up and remember that they were either with Mommy or with Daddy.  We want to spend more time with them and to help them grow and become the men of God that they are destined to be.  We want to get back to our daily family Bible studies.  We want to sit down to dinner and it be a daily thing rather than a weekly event.  

How are we going to do this?  Well, here it is.

Nathan and I have both been with our current employers for almost 12 years each.  And we have both turned in our notices.  As of May 30th, Nathan will walk away from Cracker Barrel Corporate.  And as of June 5th, I will walk away from Vanderbilt.  

I have officially taken a job as a travel nurse with Travel Nurse Across America and we are going to go traveling as a family!  Nathan and I are going to home-school the kids, and I'm going to get to work only three nights a week!  To break it down further, we will take a 13 week assignment, come home for 1-2 weeks for family and appointments, and then we will head back out again!  Everyone keeps asking us where all are we going to go??  Well, the skies the limit!  We are going to travel the US and make tons of family memories!  We've said we will do this for at least a year, maybe not more than two – but who knows!  

It’s bittersweet to leave Tennessee, but we are so EXCITED!  We are ready to have the family time that we've missed so desperately.  So stayed tuned to find out what happens next.  Our first assignment starts June 16^th in Falls Church, VA.  We’ll be about 10 miles from Washington DC and about 45 miles from the east coast.  We plan to visit the DC area several times, site see in northern Virginia and of course, head to the beach!  The boys are signed up for karate and gymnastics, and music lessons are right around the corner! 

We've talked about doing this for a while…years in fact, but then after Christmas we finally hit a point where we decided it was time.  And after months of prayerfully seeking God’s plan, we know what we need to do. 

It is time to take our life back into our hands!

It’s not about surviving anymore.  It’s about LIVING!

Six Months Later...Driving Again!

Ventricular Fibrillation Arrest with ICD Schock

One Year Ago Today...

One year ago today was a typical day for our family. Zachary was at school, Nathan at work and Eli and Tyler played in their rooms while I took a shower. When I got out of the shower I realized that I had missed a phone call from Nathan's phone - and I called him back. 

One year ago today is when I heard all kinds commotion going on as someone other than my husband answered his phone only to tell me that Nathan had collapsed at work and they were taking him to a local ER.

One year ago today I drove like crazy to the hospital to find my strong, handsome husband lying on a stretcher, whiter than the plain walls that surrounded me and hooked up to every monitor the ER had available.

One year ago today I was sitting in a local ER with Nathan while we were learning of all the crazy findings from his heart tests. And while I was very familiar with the terminology they used and the clinical findings that they were presenting, my mind was fuzzy because I couldn't grasp or understand that this was my Nathan that they were talking about.

One year ago today, Nathan and I prayed in the ER that God would have his hand over the situation and that God would protect our family through this journey. Little did we know at that time that the journey would become our daily battle and that "protecting our family" would soon have a new meaning.

One year ago today I almost lost my spouse. But God intervened in a way that only He could and saved Nathan's life.

One year ago today started the process which resulted in genetic testing and lead to the finding that two of my children will most likely have this disease as well. A test result that we would not have known had Nathan not collapsed that day. A test result that I believe will be what saves both of their lives.

One year ago today I could look in the mirror and think to myself that I was a strong, Christian woman of faith who could trust God in everything. Little did I know that the next 12 months would really teach me what faith was all about. And how, as a mom and a wife, really step back and trust God to take care of my children and my best friend.

One year ago today was a day that changed our lives forever. A day that we will never forget. A day that forced us to fully rely on Him. A day that challenged me in every way possible. And a day that I will thank God for without ceasing.

It's the day that our family witnessed a true miracle. It's the day that God will allow me to forever use as a wonderful testimony of what He can do and of how He is ever present.

One year ago today Satan tried his hardest to destroy one of God's children. But one year ago today God stepped in and mercy said "No."

Genetics Are Back

The First Half of 2013...Doing Pretty Good

The Rest of 2012

The Rest of September 2012

September 24, 2012...The Biggest Day of Our Lives

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Monday, September 24

There's A Healer In The House!!!

Words cannot express the emotions that I was experiencing tonight when I answered the call from our cardiologist.  I could hear the tears in his voice as he started the conversation, but it only took me moments to figure out that they were tears of joy!  Nathan’s MRI confirmed that he DOES NOT have the dreaded diagnosis of Cardiac Amyloidosis.  I cannot express the feeling of joy, relief and overwhelming peace that came with that statement.

While we are still flying high after receiving this information, we do realize that there are things still to come in our future.  Nathan has been officially diagnosed with Hypertrophic Obstructive Cardiomyopathy.  Here is a quick rundown:

Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy (HCM) is a complex but relatively common form of genetic heart muscle disease that occurs in 1 out of 500 people, but often goes undiagnosed in the community.  HCM is the most common cause of heart-related sudden death in people under 30 years of age.  Although HCM is a chronic disease without a known cure, a number of treatments are now available to alter its course.

This is still a very serious condition.  It is the condition where you hear of athletes “dropping dead” during a game for an unknown cardiac cause.  The thinking now is that Nathan went into an abnormal rhythm at work that day (namely Ventricular Tachycardia, VTACH) which caused his syncopal episode and seizure.  The most important thing right now is to make sure that he doesn’t go into that rhythm again before the treatment takes effect.  The “infiltrates” found in his heart were not proteins, but rather abnormal muscles that are causing his heart to pump in an improper way.  Now the damage that has occurred to his heart (heart wall thickening, infiltrates, scar tissues) are irreversible, but are said not to get any worse because his heart is no longer growing.

So what does this mean for us next?

·         Nathan starts medicinal treatment tomorrow to control abnormal rhythms.  Pray that his blood pressure tolerates the meds as they tend to decrease your BP and his is already low anyway.  And also pray that he does not have any abnormal rhythms until the treatment is effective.

·         We will continue to do the epilepsy monitoring at Vanderbilt this week.  Pray that these four days go smoothly and cause the least amount of stress for him as possible.

·         We will meet with his cardiologist after we get out of Vanderbilt to talk about implanting a defibrillator in his heart to reduce the risk of an abnormal rhythm again and prevent any sudden cardiac event that could lead to death.

·         Since this is mostly a genetic disease, our three boys will need to be tested soon, along with Nathan’s twin brother and sister.

Now I know that this still sounds bad – but I am so thankful for these results!!  And I know that this whole day is because of the Lord and because of all of the prayers that have gone up on his behalf.  He was the one who got Nathan’s MRI date moved to today.  And He is the one who intervened in a way that only He could.  Our cardiologist said it perfectly when he told me, “Mrs. Barnes, I think that we have all witnessed a true miracle here.”  Praise Him!

I am so thankful for all of you and your comforting words during this time.  While we couldn’t respond to every post, text, message, etc – Nathan and I read every single one of them and found comfort in them.  We don’t know why it seems that healing is provided to certain people and not for others, but we are so thankful that He did this for us. 

I’ll end this post with the words to a song that Nathan and I have listened to over and over this week and have found much comfort in the words. 

“We pray for blessings.  We pray for peace.  Comfort for family, protection while we sleep.
We pray for healing, for prosperity.  We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering.
And all the while, You hear each spoken need, Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things.

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom; Your voice to hear.  We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near.
We doubt your goodness, we doubt Your love.  As if every promise from Your Word is not enough.
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea, And long that we'd have faith to believe.

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?

When friends betray us.  When darkness seems to win we know, that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home.

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?

What if my greatest disappointments, Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy?
What if trials of this life, The rain, the storms, the hardest nights,
Are your mercies in disguise?”

Cardiac Amloyidosis, What?

Dear Friends and Family,

As most of you are aware, Nathan has been undergoing a lot of tests and procedures recently due to his seizure a couple of weeks ago. The latest of these tests was on Wednesday when he underwent an angiogram which revealed that there were not any blockages in his heart. (Praise God).

After a few hours in recovery, Nathan's cardiologist came back to the bedside and stated

 that he needed to talk with us. With every test that Nathan has undergone, there hasn't been one "sure-fire" or "big" thing that is wrong. Instead, we have come across multiple red flags in his cardiac workup that have led us to continue testing. While when looking at one of these red flags might not be alarming, the complete view of what he has going on is...think of it as the "perfect storm."

The cardiologist wanted us to prepare ourselves for the fact that Nathan might have a disease called "Primary/AL Cardiac Amyloidosis." This is a rare disease, also known as "Stiffening Heart Syndrome" in which an abnormal protein is created by the liver and can build up in various organs, including the heart. As of this point, through everything, it has been discovered that Nathan has the following:

• Consistently high Troponin levels (indicating continuous cardiac damage)
• Inverted T Wave on EKG (indicating cardiac damage)
• 2 Heart Murmurs: VSD and PFO
• Multiple infiltrates in his cardiac muscle -- of what we still aren't' sure.
• Left Ventricular Hypertrophy -- "Thickened Wall" d/t the infiltrates in his heart causing his heart to overwork.
• Light-Chain proteins found in his cardiac muscle -- indicative of AL Cardiac Amyloid.

His diagnosis up to this point are:

• Restrictive Cardiomyopathy with Left Ventricular Hypertrophy
• Cardiac Infiltrative Disease

So, what does all this mean? The answer to this is simple -- Nathan's heart is sick. And all of these issues named above go along with the suspected diagnosis. We are scheduled to have a cardiac MRI performed on October 1st in order to confirm this disease. Unfortunately, this is a very severe disease. It is not a cancer, though it is treated as such. The only forms of treatment up to this point include steroids, chemo, possible stem-cell transplant and most of these patients end up needing a heart transplant as well. The other unfortunate thing about this disease is that it carries a rapid progression and the end result is most often fatal. Most of these patients end up dying in a very short period of time after diagnosis due to congestive heart failure or sudden cardiac death. Of what we have researched, it seems as though the length of survival time while depending on the severity of each case, is said to be less than six months from the time of diagnosis. This time frame can be shortened by three different situations which include: Tropnin levels high at the time of diagnosis, ventricular hypertrophy and/or one syncopal episode (passing out). Unfortunately, Nathan has experienced all three of these already.

We are aware at this point that we still don't know for a fact that this is what is wrong with Nathan, but the doctor's have made it pretty clear that this is what they believe to be the case. So we are asking desperately for your prayers. We want to pray away the official diagnosis before they even get the chance to say it. We believe that God is the ultimate healer and that miracles still do happen. We believe that God still moves rocks even when we can't get them to budge. We believe that if the faith of a mustard seed can move a mountain, then the power of numerous people praying can remove these ailments from Nathan's body. We beg of each of you to take a moment and send a prayer up on behalf of Nathan, our three beautiful boys and our families.

I will update the results of this test as soon as I get them. And if this is a trial we must go through, we know we can do it and we will not be alone through it. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

~ LindseyB

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him.

Seizures, Tests, Hospitalizations, Appointments, Driving Restrictions...

August 29, 2012

To Understand Where We're Going, You Have To Know Where We've Been

I've thought a lot of how to tell our story in depth, in chronological order and so that everyone who doesn't know our story can understand...

Understand?  Hm...  How can anyone understand what we have been through emotionally, physically and spiritually over the last 18 months.  How can they when I can't even remember every detail because God has blessed me with numbing the pain of it all at times.  However, I feel as strongly about one thing today as I did on the first day that it all started - our story will be told as a testimony to our God, no matter what the outcome may be.

So I've decided to let the story play out before your own eyes...in real (past) time...